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| Betrayed and Forsaken |
By:
Rexanne Davis |
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A normal life was something Anna knew nothing about. She was only thirty-five years old, but she had experienced more than her fair share of heartache and disappointment.
At the early age of nine she was exposed to horrid sexual abuse by her stepfather. It is a nightmare she still to this day hides from the world. At the age of twelve she was sexually abused by her cousin’s husband. This act further embedded fear and resentment towards men in her mind.
Anna struggled each and every day. She buried the acts of her stepfather deep within her mind. So deep she wonders now if they were even real.
Trust doesn’t come easy to Anna. Somehow though, at the age of fifteen, she found comfort in Matt. He became her rock. He was always there for her. She had finally found a man she could trust. A man that really loved her. No sick twisted love or desire......just innocent love. They became high school sweethearts. Shortly after she graduated high school they married. Through thick and thin they stayed together, had four children and lived a relatively happy life. No marriage is perfect, but their love always prevailed.
Just after their 17th wedding anniversary, Matt became distant. Something was on his mind, but Anna couldn’t figure out what. Matt offered no clues as to the problem. He slept on the sofa often and didn’t speak to her much. He had always been a humorous man so his new found seriousness was an even bigger clue that something was very wrong.
Finally, Anna couldn’t take the silence anymore. Starved for affection from her lifelong love, she approached him about the distance he had put between them. His words were confusing. Her heart felt as if it were literally breaking. The words she never thought she would hear flowed from Matt’s lips. He had been having an affair. Anna fell to the floor on her knees. She cried hysterically. How could he betray her? After so many years together, how could he turn away from the one that had stuck by him? How could he turn to someone else?
Her tears turned to rage. Anger flooded her heart and mind. She threw pictures and smashed vases. Then, once again, she collapsed on the floor. Matt sat down beside her crumpled body and tried to comfort her. He told Anna the other woman meant nothing to him and he would end the affair. Anna laid there in silence. Her thoughts were so muddled she couldn’t speak.
Anna, depressed and confused, was consumed by thoughts of Matt and the “other woman”. Her anger further alienated Matt. As angry and hurt as she was, she decided she didn’t want to throw away her marriage. She would give Matt another chance.
Matt’s guilt had been eating away at him for so long and now Anna knew. Every time he looked at her, he saw the sadness and disappointment in her eyes. He began to drink heavily. Each day after he came home from work, he would begin to drink. One beer became ten and he was drunk every night.
Anna couldn’t figure out what to do. She was the one that had been betrayed and yet she was the one trying to convince Matt she could forgive him. The tables were totally turned. Instead of Matt wooing her and expressing his love for her, it was Anna who played that part. She tried so hard. Weeks went by, but no progress was made.
One morning Matt told Anna he was going to the store. She walked him outside to his car and her very presence ticked him off. He was ugly to her and left. Mortified, Anna ran back in side. She sat on her bed, swaying back and forth. How could things ever be right again? Matt’s hatefulness and Anna’s jealousy and resentment sent her over the edge. She went to the medicine cabinet. She had so much to pick from. She had medication for depression and bipolar disorder and pain killers. She couldn’t live in this craziness anymore. It was time she, thought to herself, to make Matt sorry for what he had done to their lives. All he had done through this ordeal was focus on his feelings and guilt from his infidelity. What about her? She deserved more from him.......she would show him.
Anna dumped out a handful of pills from each of the three bottles. As she sat on her bed and looked at them, she knew it was her only way out. She took them all.
As she sat on the bed, swaying back and forth, fear came over her. What had she done? She called her best friend, Joanne. Anna was hysterically crying. She told Joanne what she had done. Joanne told Anna she would be there as fast as she could. When Joanne arrived Anna laid across the bed unconscious. Joanne called Matt’s cell phone and told him to meet her at the hospital fast. She didn’t say why, but something inside him knew. Joanne rushed Anna to the hospital. By the time they arrived, Matt was standing there waiting. All he had thought about on the drive to the hospital was that he was to blame. It was all his fault. He had not only made a mess of his life, but all those around him.
The doctors pumped Anna’s stomach, but she had taken so many pills. She laid in the dark hospital room unconscious for eight hours. Matt stayed by her side. He held her hand and swore he would make everything right again if she would just wake up. He laid his head down at her side, holding their intertwined hands to his face. Suddenly, he felt her fingers move. Matt lifted his head and saw her opened eyes. She looked over to him with tears in her eyes only to see the tears in his. He crawled up on the bed and laid beside her. Holding her tightly he told her he was so wrong and wanted to make everything right. He told Anna that he knew they could work through this.....no matter how long it took.
There in the hospital bed, laying side by side, they made a new commitment to each other. Once again, love prevailed. Somehow, Anna would have to find a way to live with the fact that Matt as well as the other men in her life had forsaken her. |
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